(THE STORY SO FAR . . .)
Simuel approached the window of his presidential palace and addressed his people in regards to the recent crisis. After he detailed the pending dangers posed by the threat of the witch and her legion of flying monkeys, he made a sandwich and headed to a meeting with his top military chiefs. Simuel and a small security team left the presidential palace via SUVs to attend the meeting on the other side of the capital, but as they approached the base they were delayed by angry Simitizens that suddenly amassed and began blocking the road and surrounding the convoy.
The convoy was accosted by fruit, nuts, nuts with fruit, fruits with nuts and those little potatoes everyone likes. Oblivious to the dangers of displaying tasty foods on public streets, the citizens were soon assailed by flying monkeys interested in an easy mid-day snack. Simuel, still seated in the back of an SUV and shocked by the aerial attack on the Sitizens, had nearly choked as he spit out a mouthful of sandwich while he reached for his sidearm and realized he had forgotten to bring it. And then the rioters overturned Simuel's SUV and dragged him thru the streets and hung him upside down by his feet!
After the rioters hung him by his feet the witch saw this as an opportunity to take over the capital using her flying monkeys, as he can't command his forces upside down while being beaten by fruits and nuts left over by the monkeys. Shortly after the rioters dispersed because of the attack of the flying monkeys, Simuel struggled on the rope and it snapped as it was only 120 quality and he fell head first onto the grass, but was alright despite some bruises and stood up. "Today must be my lucky day", he thought as he alternated between rubbing his sore head and feet. However Simuel's troubles were just beginning, as word immediately spread that a major earthquake had shaken his country, leaving 38,520 dead and 520,940 wounded causing major damage. To his frustration more details will be reported later. After receiving 3000 helicopters as donations and enough materials to build fields schools, (and nothing else) the survivors continued to starve. Simuel and his entourage began their journey back to his ruined palace in a fleet of copters at dawn..(cue flight of the valkyries).
A flying monkey smashed into the windshield of Simuel's helicopter, and both the pilot and monkey fell unconsciously out of the helicopter and to the ground, but as Simuel reached for the controls he realized he'd never flown before so he also grabbed a parachute. As he leaped from the falling helicopter, he deployed the chute immediately; only then realizing the rotating blades would make quick work of the parachute, the lines, and himself. Simuel's parachute was shredded and he free falled until he safely landed into a large pile of manure on a farm outside the capital.
In a desperate attempt to save the situation, Simuel got up, dusted off his sandwich, and yelled at the gratuitously buxom milk maid nearby: "Nobody expects the Department of Argricultural Health and Safety...Department!" The milkmaid simply stared blankly at the sandwich holding, manure covered, business attired former president of her country, and snorted before returning to her work. A farmer walked by and said "It's you, President Simuel?!," and sprayed Simuel down with a hose. Unfortunately for the poor farmer, President Simuel was not the kind of dictator to take kindly to soggy sandwiches. Simuel put the sandwich in his pocket and began walking towards the presidential palace at the capital city to oversee the defense against the flying monkeys.
From a nearby corner a mugger came up from behind and attacked and mugged Simuel. After getting up from the mugging Simuel checked his pockets and realized the thief had taken his sandwich but had neglected to take his wallet. Simuel smiled to himself at this and thought to himself when I get back to the capital a new law will be put forth -any muggers or thieves the sentence will be death. Simuel kept walking towards the capital when he happened upon two children -a girl and a boy -selling lemonade at a stand. Now Simuel was mighty thirsty so he approached the lemonade stand ... Simuel explained to the children that their president is thirsty and that if they want to be good sitizens someday they should help their president with a drink; but they insisted a drink is 25sents and so Simuel overturned the table, and the children ran off frightened and caught the attention of a flying monkey that grabbed them as it flew by.
Meanwhile, after days of starving due to the food riots, the thug munched happily on the soggy sandwich; having relieved his president of it a few minutes earlier. "Goodness, but this day just keeps getting better and better", he thought to himself, just before the flying monkey landed on him and ripped his head off. Simuel said to himself "I'm going home" as he approached the presidential palace, and from around a corner he looked down the road and saw flying monkeys patrolling the area around the badly damaged palace compound. Simuel eyed the patrolled sky warily for several seconds before remembering the secret weapons cache not far from his location.