| Treasurer (White Giant) | Tuesday, January 13, 2009 - 06:17 pm 
At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that get 1,000 miles to the gallon."
___________________________________________________
GM fights back:
General Motors has issued a press release stating:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You would press the "start " button to shut off the engine. |
| nix001 | Tuesday, January 13, 2009 - 06:36 pm
Hello T. Good to see ya. |
| shane vataja (Fearless Blue) | Tuesday, January 13, 2009 - 06:38 pm
rofl |
| Tattooed Priest | Tuesday, January 13, 2009 - 06:45 pm
Man that is funny stuff, I love it! |
| shane vataja (Fearless Blue) | Tuesday, January 13, 2009 - 06:49 pm
well pushing the start button could shut down the engine in theory |
| shane vataja (Fearless Blue) | Tuesday, January 13, 2009 - 11:33 pm
man i cant hit the gas with my left foot! and the brake with my eye brow |
| FarmerBob (Little Upsilon) | Wednesday, January 14, 2009 - 02:28 am
lol |
| Angus88 (Little Upsilon) | Wednesday, January 14, 2009 - 03:52 am
lol
Well adleast they'd only cost $25 and get 400 Kilometers to the liter. Be worth it I think. |
| Kiteless32768 (Little Upsilon) | Wednesday, January 14, 2009 - 03:56 pm
LOL
Qantas Ground Crew and Engineers Maintenance Reports
After every Quantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction.The form used is a piece of paper on which the pilot completes the top part listing the problem, which the mechanics read and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, so the pilot on the next flight of that plane can review the form before taking off.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses.....
(Quantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)
>>>> > > > >P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>>>> > > > >S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>>> > > > >P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>>>> > > > >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>>> > > > >P: Something loose in cockpit.
>>>> > > > >S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>>>> > > > >P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>>>> > > > >S: Live bugs on back-order.
>>>> > > > >P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
>>>> > > > >S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>>> > > > >P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>>>> > > > >S: Evidence removed.
>>>> > > > >P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>>>> > > > >S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>>> > > > >P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>>>> > > > >S: That's what they're there for.
>>>> > > > >P: IFF inoperative.
>>>> > > > >S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>>> > > > >P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>>>> > > > >S: Suspect you're right.
>>>> > > > >P: Number 3 engine missing.
>>>> > > > >S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>>> > > > >P: Aircraft handles funny.
>>>> > > > >S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
>>>> > > > >P: Target radar hums.
>>>> > > > >S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>>> > > > >P: Mouse in cockpit.
>>>> > > > >S: Cat installed |
| Treasurer (White Giant) | Wednesday, January 14, 2009 - 05:52 pm
LMAO...engine found after brief search. Priceless. |
| Noproblem (Fearless Blue) | Saturday, January 17, 2009 - 07:59 am
Sounds like the mechanics at the bus company where I work:
Ant infestation in the bus...
Anteater installed. |
| Angus88 (Little Upsilon) | Thursday, January 22, 2009 - 12:31 pm
ROFL
Where'd you get that from? Priceless.
But seriously Qantas' cutbacks have reduced service and competitiveness. |
